Who's the Problem, Your Girlfriend or You?

Does your girlfriend say one thing and do another? “I’ll get us tickets to the movie.” You have a feeling she isn’t going to get them because she hardly ever does what she says. Is it because she’s forgetful? Is it because she’s too busy? If she honestly means well and tries her best - and you find her forgetfulness an endearing quality - then maybe you can live with it.

Is your girlfriend insincere? Do you believe she never intended to get the tickets, or meet you after band practice, or any of the other things she said she’d do and then didn’t? If so, you don’t trust her because you feel she’s being dishonest. By not telling the truth, she isn’t giving you the respect you deserve.

Is your girlfriend neglectful? Does she forget you’re there every time the two of you are in a group of people? Before getting too upset, make sure you’re not being overly possessive. How much public attention you want from your girlfriend - and she wants from you - depends on a lot of things, including where you are, how long you’ve known each other, and personal preferences. It’s uncommon for two people to have the same expectations all the time. You have to talk about it and agree on what’s okay and what’s not.

Does your girlfriend flirt with other guys? Does she try hard to be noticed, demanding their attention, all the while ignoring you? If so, it’s time to have a talk. It’s good if you hear her say something like, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’ll stop.” But, if she argues with you and says, “It’s your problem,” that’s not so good. You deserve to be treated well. Don’t settle for anything less.

Does your girlfriend complain a lot about your relationship with her? Before deciding, step back and take another look. Is she generally supportive of you and do you mostly have fun being together? Is it possible things might improve if you took your girlfriend’s advice and made a few small changes? If so, maybe her ideas aren’t so bad after all. Then again, does she criticize you about everything from the way you look to how you act? Does what your girlfriend says and how she says it insult you and make you feel bad? If it does - especially if you see her treat other people the same way - that’s not so good. Some people complain and dish out criticism to boost their egos by hurting others. You deserve better than that.

Something to think about: Accept people - especially girlfriends - for who they are. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can change someone’s personality or behavior. And don’t count on anyone changing for you. Building a relationship on the hope that she’ll change to make you happy is like building a skyscraper on shifting sands. Sooner or later, it will fail.

Boy's Guide to Girls: 30 Pointers You Won't Get From Your Parents or Friends (Paperback and eBook)

+Boy's Guide to Girls