How to Say No to Girls

Tess sits next to you in Language Arts. You can tell she likes you in a girlfriend-boyfriend way. But, you don’t feel the same about her. The all-school spring dance is coming up and you know she’s going to ask you. You’re nervous. You don’t know how to say “no” without hurting her feelings. It’s the same feeling you got when Katie asked you to the movies last year. Why does all this boy-girl stuff have to be so difficult?

Saying “no” is hard to do. But, if that’s how you feel, you need to say so. If Tess asks you to the dance, you don’t want to lead her on by saying “yes.” That wouldn’t be fair - to either you or her. Especially when it’s Francesca you really want to go with.

Here are a few pointers to make turning down an invitation a little easier and go a little smoother. Remember, it’s not only what you say, but also how you say it.

Be honest and straightforward. “No thanks. I’m flattered you asked me, but I don’t want to” is better than “Well, uh, I don’t know. Maybe, but I don’t think so right now. Sorry.” Don’t leave her confused by sending mixed signals. And don’t say, “We can still be friends” if you don’t mean it.


Be polite. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. It takes a lot of guts to tell someone how you feel. Give her your attention, look her in the eyes, and use polite words: “It’s very nice of you to ask me, but I have other plans for the dance.”

Be firm. If she doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer and keeps hanging around and you don’t want the attention, use stronger language to get your point across. Try something like this: “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’m not interested. I have to go now, and I would like you to leave me alone.”

Be discreet. Don’t make it a big deal that she asked you out and you said “no way.” There’s no need to talk about it with anyone. You wouldn’t want the fact that someone turned you down spread all over school, would you? Remember, the next time you may be on the receiving end.

Boy's Guide to Girls: 30 Pointers You Won't Get From Your Parents or Friends (Paperback and eBook)

+Boy's Guide to Girls